Scared, embarrassed, insecure but still going strong!
Sleepless nights, loads of anxiety, muddled thoughts, and unspoken pain, all thanks to my “overthinking” that has stolen some of my very precious years.
In past I have doubted my decisions, I have been my severest critic which turned me into a confused, insecure girl who can’t even decide without overthinking what flavor of ice cream to order!
This is my 3rd story on this platform and I have to admit that even at this very moment, I’m freaking out, my mind is going ballistic with these questions, is my sentence structure correct? Is my choice of words, right? Or is my grammar correct? What if I make a mistake? What if no one reads it? What if someone I know reads it, I will be very embarrassed then! and the list goes on.
But you see I’m still publishing this article despite having these fears because I have understood that I can’t let these fears rob my passion for writing. I have learned to “tame” myself.
It’s not like I drank some magic potion that magically changed me overnight. Rather it came slowly and gradually with lots of practicing and patience.
For years I have doubted my ability to make decisions, I have been shameful, I have cried and I have hated myself for being this indecisive.
I’m no expert on this subject but I know how it feels, how much it pains.
Life is truly unpredictable and this realization happened to me when I heard the dreadful news that one of my friend has lost her brother, I realized that life is too short and there is no room for regrets, feeling sorry, complaining, or overthinking!
I don’t want to sound preachy but I would like to share two things that helped me to deal with my overthinking.
The first thing is “self-discipline”, I made some rules which I tried to follow no matter what, not those long tiresome planners or some rigorous schedule but something as simple as getting up early in the morning, spending time in nature, reading and keeping myself busy, thus making the most out of my time.
Goes without saying that the initial days were very difficult but I kept on doing it, no matter how lame or trivial it seems.
Second important thing is to take action. Here, I would like to mention one of my favorite quotes, it’s simple yet it’s deep and I must say, this has helped me a lot to figure out things in life.
“Clarity comes from engagement not thought!” — Marie Forleo
Even now with loads of options in front of me I’m unsure about the niche I should take up, but you know what, I’m done with overthinking so I’m writing on various topics in hope that it will give me more insights.
I’m mindful of the fact that every decision should not be taken hastily but there is a clear demarcation where rational thinking ends and overthinking begins. So “self-discipline” gave me the ability to be mindful of my actions. And my ability to take action immediately on those decisions helped me to move on.
I know these lines may sound very cheesy or bookish to some but trust me these actually helped me.
Now that I have finally accepted the uncertainty of life, I have decided to challenge myself, accept my flaws, take action, give my mental health priority, and most importantly I have decided to be happy 😊.
This article may look like an excerpt from my daily journal lol! But to be honest, the more I write about it the more I feel at ease, and the more I feel free.
Again, I’m no expert and I have not taken all the right decisions in my life but now I gauge my decisions on two parameters, I ask just two simple questions to myself: Am I feeling happy while doing this? If yes then I go for it without a second thought and another one: Will it harm anyone physically, or emotionally? If the answer is no then I’m good to go.
Surprisingly in all these years, one good thing has happened to me due to overthinking, I realized recently that “ I ‘am my biggest critic!” Yes, you read it right, I ‘am my biggest critic and now I have somewhat learned to tame myself! You get it! No?
Okay, that means I do not have to carry the burden of other’s opinion or their criticism or them being judgmental about me. Isn’t that great?
So, “I” get to decide what is good for me or what decisions should I take. No one can wear me down and if someone tries to, I just confidently quote what our dearest loveliest Elizabeth Bennet said “ My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me” (Can’t help it I’m a die-hard Pride and prejudice fan😊 ).
Once again while publishing this, I’m scared, embarrassed, and insecure but still going one hundred percent strong!